Hopeless by Colleen Hoover

I did not expect the story I just read. Woah. Escuse my jumbled up review. I dont know what to say without giving too much away. 

Even though I read this book yesterday and waited a day to let my heart do some much needed healing- I still ache when I think about this story.

It's beautiful. It's painful. It will knock you down on your knees begging for mercy. By the end you will feel stronger.

Let's meet Sky.

Sky is such a beautiful, funny, strong female character. God, I just love her. Sky lives with her adoptive mother Karen. Her best friend Six lives in the house next door to her and they constantly are climbing in and out of each others windows. They have done this all of their life- well since they have known one another... What has changed? Well they are older now and now they sneak boys into their rooms. Not to have sex- well at least Sky isn't having sex. Sky just wants to kiss- because kissing makes her feel numb. There is absolutely zero feeling when kissing these boys. She doesnt get the butterflies in her stomach, or the ache to want to to do more- she just doesnt care. 

So what does Sky do when she's kissing? - She lays there and counts the stars on her ceiling. 

Yup those stars that we use to beg our parents for! The fun glow in the dark ones! Sky loves them because Sky loves the sky. ;)

Sky has been kept away form technology- supposedly because Karen doesnt believe in it. They dont have a tv or phones or the internet. But after begging and arguing Karen for YEARS- she's finally going to goto Public school- for her senior year! 

Insert- Bad rumors about Sky being a slut.

Insert- Six goes off to study abroad.

Sky is basically alone

Insert- New best friend- Breckin. (Breckin who is funny, adorable and... well he's morman. Oh and gay. I forgot gay). 

And then she meets Dean Holder. <3 <3 <3

Holder is the "bad boy" the guy that people are afraid of- the one with a horrible reputation... The guy that can never heal from losing his sister. 

But is that really who Holder is? 

Sky finds herself more than just a little attracted to Holder- which is a big deal because she's never been attracted to ANY guy before! I mean ANY. So the fact she feels the way she does about Holder is just insane. Their connection is intense. Holder wants her. She wants Holder. But he's holding back form her. He wants to make sure she's feeling the way he's feeling before they kiss- he doesnt want her to be numb. 

“Sky, I'm not kissing you tonight but believe me when I tell you, I've never wanted to kiss a girl more. So stop thinking I'm not attracted to you because you have no idea just how much I am. You can hold my hand, you can run your fingers through my hair, you can straddle me while I feed you spaghetti, but you are not getting kissed tonight. And probably not tomorrow, either. I need this. I need to know for sure that you're feeling every single thing that I'm feeling the moment my lips touch yours. Because I want your first kiss to be the best first kiss in the history of first kisses.”

"The moment my lips touch yours, it will be your first kiss. Because if you've never felt anything when someone's kissed you, then no one's ever really kissed you. Not the way I plan on kissing you."

But when they finally do kiss- she definitely feels it ;)

Now things are getting a little weird for Sky. She has strange dreams, strange memories- that she isn't sure are real or fake. Holder acts strange sometimes- getting angry or moody for no apparent reason and she's just all around confused by it all.

One night when things are getting really heated (romantically) between her and Holder- Memories start crashing in. She remembers things that she hadnt just moment ago. Things about before she was adopted by Karen. She knew Holder. She knew Less. She knew them before she went to live with Karen. 

She hurts from being lied to by Holder. She hurts with the realization that she has also lost Less and she hurts for the person she used to be. She's hurt because she's realizing she is two different people and doesn't know which one is the real her. She doesn't know how to be both.

Holder then take her to the look at the stars- so that he can explain everything....

Her entire life falls a part that night...

The events of your life are all crammed together one minute right after the other without any time lapses or blank pages or chapter breaks because no matter what happens life just keeps going and moving forward and words keep flowing and truths keep spewing whether you like it or not and life never lets you pause and just catch your fucking breath.

Sky finds out something insane about her life- something that seems unreal. 

She runs away with Holder to find her past.

Her past turns our even worse than she had imagined... It's painful. It is so hopelessly painful. All she as is Holder her keeping her alive- helping her survive what they both have just learned of her past.

I can't go into all the details of this because it's absolutely necessary for you to read it... But it's heart wrenching and sob worthy. It'll break your heart while at the same time- build you back up. 

Some more quotes I love.

Fuck all the firsts, Sky. The only thing that matters to me with you are the forevers.

We wrap our arms around each other and we cry. We cry mother to daughter. We cry aunt to niece. We cry victim to victim. We cry survivor to survivor. 

The sky is always beautiful. Even when it's dark and rainy or cloudy, it's still beautiful to look at. It's still my favorite thing because I know if I ever get lost or lonely or scared. I just have to look up and it'll be there no matter what...and I know it'll always be beautiful.